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Relationships Etcetera
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Etiquette When Dating: Talk About Your Ex or Nah?

July 16, 2019 0 Comments

I say hell no, we won't go. Unless we're going together.

What is proper etiquette when dating? This is a question often asked by daters.  What should I say or not say? Maybe I shouldn’t ask or talk about that. These things become even more challenging because each person you date is unique in their likes and dislikes.  While others may view a topic taboo, someone else may be perfectly fine with discussing it.

Talk More, Date Less.

Regardless, I believe that conversations definitely need to be had before actual dating occurs. Questions need to be asked. One of those questions needs to be about past experiences. 

 

Read – Questions You Should Ask Before the First Date

 

Dating Etiquette 

So, what about that dreaded conversation about your ex? I say hell no… unless it’s a mutual conversation you and the other person are engaging in. Versus, you just spewing off a mile a minute about how much you can’t stand your ex.  Or, how all of your exes were terrible and you were the perfect mate that was a victim of improper mate placement.

Improper Mate Placement – similar to improper fit. That shoe looks like it might fit, but when you put your foot in it, your toes start throwing up gang signs.

Needless to say, it’s not a great idea.

Just like unprovoked conversations about your ex where you seem exuberant. It reeks of an existing attachment or remnants of feelings you said were long gone.  

…when they start talking about their ex and you didn’t ask them about their ex.

Fine, Some Conversations Are Necessary

To be fair, talking about your ex or past relationships isn’t a bad thing when you’re doing so for the purpose of learning for understanding.

“What did you learn about yourself from your past relationships?” 

This is great dating etiquette and a solid question that prompts even more dialogue. I personally would ask it, but the narrative changes when one of the parties begins to proactively talk about their ex.  At this moment, we’ve gone from learning about each other’s growth to thinking the other person is bitter. Or, they aren’t over their ex. 

Overall, I believe that you should talk about your growth from the past. This includes exes, family, friends, career, etc.  Those things are all a part of what has made you into this new person.  Ultimately, if you truly want to learn each other to the core, previous experiences will need to be discussed.  Just be mindful about how often you talk about your ex and in what context you talk about them, and healthy dialogue will follow.

 

Jay Thomas

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