As a man, I’ve always maintained the fact that if I want to know about a woman's base needs and wants, I need to talk to a woman. It doesn't mean a man doesn't know anything, but naturally, speaking with someone with direct experience gives you a more accurate representation of what what they go through. So, naturally, one of the best ways to learn about the needs and wants of men, is to hear it from a man's perspective.
So, if you find yourself unsuccessful with men or, if you are considering getting back out there, here are a few tips [not rules] for you that can boost your ability to avoid the pitfalls of dating and perhaps maybe, seal the deal.
10 tips are simply not enough to fully grasp the entire thought process men have on dating. But I did my best to trim it down for you.
1.Beware the pitfalls of social media
These dating tips may seem like a double standard and you know what? It may just be. But these dating tips are for the women, so none of that…”They do it too,” talk.
Social media has so many positive stories. Marriages, long-lasting relationships, etc. I’ve seen them myself. But I’ve also seen the many pitfalls. I’m going to try to keep this short because I’m going to expound on this in another blog.
Watch what you say and the pictures you post on social media. Men are watching. A man will see your picture (revealing or not) and automatically create an image in his mind of what he sees you and him doing. That could be, dating, having sex, or simply just being friends. So before you press send, be careful and think it through, because the man who you are eyeing, might read a post from you that completely turns him off.
Now you might say… “well, he needs to accept me for me.” Perhaps, but maybe, “who you are” isn’t who you should be. Maybe a little growth might be needed. And to lure that fish, you may need to reconsider your tactics… change your bait. Watch what you say, and definitely watch what pictures you post. In fact, I’d say, don’t post any pictures in social groups or on your page that are too revealing or risqué. I’ve been guilty of this, and it doesn’t always attract what you’re looking for and definitely will turn off what you ARE looking for.
2. Step up your clothing game
For women this is complex because women have so many ways to dress, so many accessories and options. So I’ll try and keep this simple and let you decide what to do.
I told the men that if you have disposable income, around $500, get a suit from a place like K&G https://www.kgstores.com/kg/index.jsp. Well, this applies to the women as well. K&G has a rather large women’s section. There are tons and tons of stores for women that have clothing at discount. For example, http://www.marshallsonline.com/ or https://www.rossstores.com/, even http://tjmaxx.tjx.com. If you want to go high-end but not break the bank https://www.nordstromrack.com or www.saksoff5th.com/Outlet. Need discount accessories? http://www.overstock.com/women And of course my personal favorite www.bluefly.com. Also, use the outlets to shop. You will save tons of money.
This is just a sample of a few places that you can try. Try something new! Wearing new and trendy styles, but not too tight, not too revealing, but classy enough to turn heads, is key.
If it’s anyone that knows how to find a deal it’s women. So I don’t need to tell you much about how to find clothing. These were just suggestions for those that don’t know.
3. Tone down your clothing game
With so many options and styles for women, there also comes many pitfalls and traps. Here are some dating tips to help you with your choice. First and foremost, wear your size. Wear what works for your body. Remember, there’s tight and there’s fitting. There’s loose, and there’s baggy. Find your style and groove to settle into it but always stay flexible. And then ask a man who you’re comfortable with and has great style about him, what he thinks.
Word to the wise and despite popular perception, not all men like seeing your revealed body parts. Of all these dating tips, this is the most often misunderstood. Men who are looking for a wife or long-term girlfriend, want a woman more conservative. (especially men who have younger kids) And by conservative I don’t mean wearing a blanket over your head and crocks. Or even wearing long dresses that touch your toes. But being tasteful. Here are some examples of what I mean: https://www.pinterest.com/explore/classy-womens-fashion/
I know you aren’t necessarily dressing up to impress a man. But how you dress also builds confidence (which affects everything). If your goal is to eventually get married or be in a long-term relationships, how you dress or how confident you are with your style is the first impression of you, a man will see.
4. Offer to Pay
And don’t act disappointed or judge him if he accepts. Times have changed. Women are making more money now and dating for men is expensive.
In an earlier blog about dating tips for men, I suggested that men should make sure they are financially ready to date. But that doesn’t mean he wants to blow hundreds of dollars taking women out in pursuit of his future spouse or the love of his life. A man who wants to get married will definitely be proactive and has no problem paying. But show that you appreciate him by offering to take him out, paying for the meal or paying the tip. Not just for a special occasion but just because you want to equally invest in the goal of what you two are trying to carry out. Take my word for it, he will appreciate it.
5. Show your softer more vulnerable side
A lot of women I know are independent career-driven, focused and very strong-willed. They’ve been on their own for a long time and haven’t needed a male to support them to get where they are. Which in some cases is the gift and the curse from a perception and stereotype standpoint. Unfortunately, for a lot of men, this translates to, “un-datable” because of the negative stigma that surrounds women who are like this.
They don’t listen, very bossy, treat you like an expendable asset, uptight, don’t have time, only want you for sex and the baby you can offer, etc. etc.
I’m not co-signing on these assumptions, but rather expounding the stereotype. So… regardless, show your softer side and be consistent with it. It doesn’t lower or make you subservient. It actually shows a certain level of strength being that you can change things up in that way based on the situation you are in. I understand being tough when you’re out there in the world. But around your man, you can relax and let your hair down. Because we like to feel like they are appreciated and respected just as much as women. We want to feel valued. Not treated like a clown there to entertain you.
6. Learn Sports
Out of all the dating tips I’m giving you, this is easiest one to score points [no pun intended] with a man. There are men that do not like sports. So if you find one of those types… this won’t apply. But most men do like sports. So, figure out what sports he likes and learn them. I’m not saying become a die-hard fan. Just learn the basics so you can talk with him about it. Or at least understand what he’s complaining about. Men love women who like sports or understand them. It’s a plus.
7. Pride has no place
This is an ugly pimple on the face of dating [and relationships]. PRIDE and STUBBORNNESS. Drop your pride and do what’s in your heart to do. Don’t listen to your girlfriends because in most cases they insert their personal negative experiences into their opinion and the advice they give to you. If you want to do or say something…do it. And put forth your best effort. Make sure you are always flexible to change. Not change who you are as a whole, but aspects of you to help not only the relationship you’re pursuing, but you as an individual. Relationships and dating have no room for, “I’m not gonna do, I won’t do, I’ve never done,” or any variation of those sayings.
8. Talk to him, but make sure you listen as well
Men love women that they can actually talk to. Women that listen to them and those that apply what they’ve been told or that they learned.
Sometimes that may be a request, sometimes it may simply be him expressing his feelings about a particular subject. But listening is a lost art among women and men. People simply listen just enough. So they really aren’t listening at all… they’re waiting on their turn to talk. Listen to him. And when you speak, make love to his mind.
Lastly, when a man knows he can talk to you, and you are actually listening to learn, he will trust and confide in you more. This builds the friendship aspect of the relationship that you are creating. The base for everything that you will establish going forward.
8a. Do Not repeat.
Whatever you do, don’t forget dating tips #8 and 8a. Never take what he’s told you and repeat it to anyone else. Not even in anger. Because if it gets back to him, he will never trust you again. Trust from a man is very hard to get. Whatever you do, do not use what he’s told you as leverage against him. This is also a common mistake some women make. That’s another way to lose his trust in you. .
9. Stroke his Ego
Yeah… a lot of women have a hard time doing this. Pride gets in the way and you don’t compliment him because you know lots of women compliment him. What??!! So you’d let another woman do it for the man you want? You might want to rethink that. Compliments from the woman you want makes all other compliments from other women pale in comparison. But if you let other women do your job, don’t be upset if he ends up with one of those women and not you. Tell him he’s the best… even if he isn’t. Take one for the team.
10. Be realistic
Out of all the dating tips I’m giving you, this is the one most men talk about.
Some women are very unrealistic about their expectations of men when dating. Never ask a man to do something that you are not already doing. It’s called setting the example. It’s such a simple principle that we teach it to kids this all the time. Practice what you preach. But for some reason, when we start dating, we expect the other person to do for us. In fact, we literally enter the dating scene in a selfish mentality expecting to be “done-for.” Instead of trying to enhance someone else’s life, we are looking to for our lives to be enhanced. We expect the other person to prove themselves to us.
Don’t expect men to do what you see on reality TV or in the movies or even what some other man you were previously involved with did.
In fact, do not compare this man you’re dating to any other man. He’s an individual. Always remember that the real world presents challenges that you overcome together. Not challenges that can be overcome in 90 minutes like the movies. Men are not your do-boys. They are your partners. If you want to be treated like a princess or a queen, treat him like a king first. (don’t worry I say this same thing to men).
Don’t expect a man to be exactly where you want him to be when you meet him. Real people come with real issues.
Financial, emotional, mental. Determine what you can handle and execute. We all struggle with something and that includes you. Finding a man that, “has it together” is relative and very unrealistic. He may have all his financial ducks in a row, but he may have other issues that don’t show on the surface. Understand this is a huge possibility. Be realistic about it. And don’t, “not date him” just because he struggling. You may have been placed in his life to usher him through this phase. Maybe not financially, but emotionally. That’s a woman’s role. A help-mate. (if you believe in that sorta thing).
Don’t expect him to know things that you haven’t previously discussed with him.
Communication is key. Don’t say…”as a man you should know.” Really? Based off of what? This could’ve been avoided had you talked to him and expressed your needs and wants and let him decide if he could fulfill them. Every woman is different, so it is imperative that you tell him and don’t assume he knows.
These dating tips may seem hard, but relationships take work for them to last. From the start, do not let anyone convince into believing that it should be easy or easy from the beginning. There are challenges all the way through. But it’s also very rewarding.
There’s someone for everyone and understand you may take some losses before you get that win.