Having gone through a divorce many years ago, and then being thrown back into single life again, the dating process has been…bewildering. There are, “we guys” everywhere. However, they are hard to detect like a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Hiding under their pliable fabrications, you begin think to yourself,
Dating is not like it used to be.
It seemed so easy when we were younger. We met someone, we talked with them, and eventually did random activities with them. In any event, there was always a possibility that we’d fall in love, and the rest would be history.
The Big Leap
Dating isn’t as easy when you are a little older and departed from a marriage you were in a very long time.
A little perspective… when I was first married, smartphones didn’t even exist. That was a long time ago. Comparatively, there are more options out there than ever before. You have dating apps, and social media. In addition, you have various websites to find your soulmate. Of course, your friends are trying to introduce you to indiscriminate men. Consequently, dating can be so overwhelming and frightening, that it makes you want to run and hide in the nearest hole.
Here Come The WE Guys
Ultimately, you decide to put yourself out there and go on a few dates. You’re out with a nice man, enjoying the conversation. He has a great smile, awesome personality, smells good, and dresses nice. As the evening continues, all of a sudden, he starts talking about what “WE” can do. He mentions, oh “WE” can go skiing, “WE” can travel to the ocean, “WE” can go away for the weekend. We, We, We. So confident and self-assured about what he wants. It turns you on — and as a result, you begin to think…
…wow, I think I could fall in love with this guy.
He already likes me, and he’s making all these plans to include me.
Your heart is beating even faster, and your already-present smile grows bigger. As the night ends he doesn’t hesitate to make plans to see you again. You leave with excitement, and you cannot wait to call your best friend to tell her all the details. Of course, you share everything about him, and how the date went. Naturally, your friend is happy for you — and you don’t even think twice about his ulterior motives.
You go on a few more dates with him, and he continues with all the “WE” planning. You think to yourself…
…this is a guy I could be in a relationship with for a long time.
You invite him back to your place, and he spends the night. When the morning comes, right before he leaves, he mentions the next weekend, and how we can get away to the city. Once again you think…
…he is perfect for you.
Rearing His Ugly Face
As the following day approaches, you don’t hear from him. The next day—same thing. Eventually, an entire week passes by. You’ve done your due diligence by proactively reaching out… but still — no response. Consequently, your mind keeps spinning. Ultimately, you call all your friends and run everything by them. Meanwhile, you rationalize his actions.
- Maybe he is just too busy.
- He’ll probably call me next week.
- Did you do/say something wrong?
- Was it what you wore that evening?
It’s important to realize that a “WE” guy is charming and sweet. He’ll reel you in with all the beautiful things you want to hear—as if he wants to be in a relationship with you. You see, he uses these tactics to lower a woman’s defenses with promises he will never fulfill, and plans he will not execute. Under the guise of “togetherness,” your defenses fall like the walls of Jericho.
Given these points, when dating, it is great when a man plans dates, outings, and time together. However, when it happens so quickly, and his actions seem to a be a bit impetuous, always remember, “actions speak louder than words.”