Most of us want love. It's a fundamental human need.
However, how far are we willing to go to attain it? Ladies and gentleman, I give you—online dating.
A Little Background
humans intrinsically partake in behavioral motivation. Maslow uses the terms “physiological,” “safety,” “belonging and love,” or “social needs” “esteem,” and “self-actualization” to describe the pattern through which human motivations generally move. This means that in order for motivation to occur at the next level, each level must be satisfied within the individual themselves. Furthermore, this theory is a key foundation in understanding how drive and
motivation are correlated when discussing human behavior.
One could inductively reason that oftentimes love is at the very top of Maslow’s pyramid. As a result, online dating is very profitable, and also why so many of us use popular sites, and apps like:
Consequently, hundreds more online dating sites and apps are sprouting up everyday. Comparatively, I don’t see remotely the same amount of self-actualization, or esteem sites. Love is the insatiable hunger we can never get enough of.
A Little Perspective
In an article about online dating statistics, EHarmony says that:
53% OF PEOPLE LIE ON THEIR ONLINE DATING PROFILE
They are lying about their age, income, weight, height, and job.
20% of women surveyed by global research agency Opinionmatters admitted to using an older photo from when they were younger and thinner. More than 40% of men said they lied about their jobs in an effort to sound more successful.
22% OF ONLINE DATERS ASK FRIENDS TO HELP CREATE THEIR PROFILE
No wonder people lie on their dating profiles-friends are helping them build their profile. One-in-five online daters have asked someone else to help write or review their profile. Female users are seeking help from friends more so than men are: 30% of female users have asked a friend for help with their profile, whereas only 16% of male users have asked friends to help create their profile.
The above being said, when you read an online profile, the chances of their being lies embedded within the text is… above probable. Kinda scary actually. Yet we flock to these sites, and apps, like a pilgrimage to Mecca.
Online Dating Profiles
With the information you were just given, would you still date online? I believe you should—but with a few caveats
What you should always do
- Tell the truth (duh). Isn’t that was you’re supposed to do?
- Post photos in makeup, and without makeup. Men like to see both sides of you. Not just the flawless version.
- Show yourself doing something you love to do vs a bunch of selfies.
- Show full body photos. We do live in the world of catfishing after all.
- Be transparent. Similar to telling the truth, but more so about your personal truths.
- Don’t give too much information too soon. Leave some for discovery—but always be honest.
- Unless it’s required, don’t disclose your income until later on. Why would someone need to know this in your profile? (leave it to discovery)
- If you’re under 6 feet tall, don’t lie about your height. You will eventually have to meet this woman one day.
- Use recent photos. By recent, I mean within the last month. With cell phones and the great photos they take, there’s no excuse to not have one.
- If you lack such low self-esteem that you have to lie on your profile, you probably shouldn’t be online dating. You clearly placed love on the top of your Maslow hierarchy and esteem at the bottom.
What An Online Dating Profile Should Really Say
Hey there! My name is Jay… I’m from New York City by way of New Jersey. I’ve been in Atlanta for a few years but go home a lot, so yes, I still have my accent and that New York mentality—always hustling. I love Atlanta, and the people here. I’ve met some cool associates professionally, and socially. I do believe I have found my home for the long term, unless life leads me somewhere else.
I’m a pretty fun loving guy with an open sense of humor, that loves time with friends and family.
You know what I’d like to have?
A cool woman who doesn’t take herself too seriously. Educated, professional and ambitious. In addition, She can have fun around anyone, loves to laugh, and understands the demands of being an entrepreneur. Someone who is emotionally available, and is ready to grow as friends into something more—and by more, I mean marriage (see my blog on being intentional)
A bit more…
I’m 6 foot 2, 225 lbs, athletic build. However, I’m not at the weight I want to be, but I hit the gym 6 times per week to make that happen. I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, and I’m a vegetarian. While I love a good time, I don’t like clubs and rarely go to lounges unless I’m involved with someone. I’m a NY sports fanatic, and I’m an avid reader (any recommendations?) Let’s chat!
As you can see, I was completely transparent. I kept it pretty short, covered questions most people ask, without giving away too much.
In summary, online dating doesn’t have to be a journey into the Twilight Zone. Furthermore, you don’t have fudge your online dating profile to meet someone special.
Just be you—and leave the rest up to the flow of the universe.
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