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Relationships Etcetera
relationship-runner

When It Comes To Relationships: Are You A Runner?

September 25, 2018 0 Comments

Are you a runner?

Someone who is constantly in and out of relationships—that they always seem to end themselves.

Do you find yourself stuck in the dating cycle over and over again, because you can’t seem to find, “the one” that fits you perfectly? Or, perhaps you find something wrong with every person you come in contact with. There’s also a certain level of [your] reality that you subscribe to, and you place these realities on the new person without their knowledge, or consent.

Psychology Today says

Yes, we all have preferences, and that’s a good thing, but if you’re chasing perfect, you’ll be disappointed—and ultimately lonely. Because perfect doesn’t exist. It’s a mirage created by advertising and a fantasy we’ve been holding onto since we were taping posters of our teen crushes to our bedroom wall.

Yet some of us still search for perfection in our mate. Or, we hold them to an unrealistic standard (realities) that they will never be able to meet. When they ultimately fall short of said expectations, you run.

Expectations

If the person you’re dating says they will never hurt you, they are lying. Hurt is a part of relationships. To be quite honest, so are lies and dishonesty (unfortunately). Some would argue, that’s not true. However, name one relationship where a mistake wasn’t made, or lie never told. Go ahead… I’ll wait, and the clock will keep on ticking until the battery dies.

Why? Because there isn’t such a relationship. We’re human (and prone to error). Thinking that your mate won’t lie, or make mistakes is setting yourself, your mate, and your relationship up for failure. Consequently, you find yourself running from relationship to relationship in search of a reality that doesn’t exist.

You are a runner

You will bounce from one dating experience to another, finding something wrong with every man/woman you come in contact with. Or, you simply do not have staying power. Once the other person makes a mistake, you are off to the races.

Runners always have a justification for their fleeing ways, and fleeting feelings. They project everything on the other person in the relationship. In some cases, runners don’t understand their own feelings. For them, it’s all about inertia, or stagnation once the relationship reaches a precipice they can’t handle. For a runner, it is a very long fall off the Wil e Coyote cliff.

One Eye Open

Runners typically have their eye on you. They are waiting for you to mess-up so they can say, “I was right!” In fact they anticipate your imperfection, and act as-if they had an “ah-ha” moment when you show your humanity.

Talk about finding things wrong with you… a runner will find the most minuscule things about you, pick them apart, and magnify them. Or petty concerns they have about you will rise to the surface. It could be [not] picking up the phone a few times, or you not returning a call. They create issues where there truly are none. Good luck explaining yourself to a runner…. they already have their mind made up and are steadfast in their stubbornness. Runners are like a self-destruct mechanism, sabotaging their own happiness. From the very beginning, the time was already set for their explosion.

My Advice To You

Avoid runners like the plaque.

If it isn’t a false understanding of what it takes to make a relationship work, it’s an inordinate amount of fear that propels them out the door.

That being said, you shouldn’t expect anyone to accept your mistakes. That’s unfair. However, you should have a minimum expectation of perseverance, and mental fortitude in your mate. Not a flappable personality that bends when the air conditioning comes on.

So many want a relationship and marriage, but aren’t built to handle the bumps in the road. They are runners. Find someone truly invested in building with you, and getting through the ups and downs, mistakes and miscalculations.

When it comes to mistakes, we all make them… sometimes it’s just your turn.

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Jay Thomas

Yeah it's true... I'm the ultimate blogger/writer/bad boy/urbanite/thinker/philosopher. (yeah...all those) No matter what happens, at the end of the day I’ll make you smile, laugh, and wonder, “How come I’ve never heard of this guy's blog before??!!” Want to know more??? Read more (hint hint) and make sure you leave a comment :) Are you still here? Well, come on…I’M YOUR GUY!!! YOU NEED THIS BLOG in your life!!! Oh and yeah...Don't forget to subscribe!

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