Unconditional love, does it really exist? The group Hi-5 made me believe it does. The real question I had to ask myself, “does it exist within me?” We often question the other person and their level of love, but how often do we gaze into the abyss, and find the abyss staring back at us? Perhaps it is us, that has truly conditional love for our mate. Think about it. Have you ever stopped talking to someone over something petty, or superficial? Did you withhold love because they weren’t doing things you felt they should do?
The threads of love are often considered weak when conditions are placed on them.
Unconditional love is known as affection without any limitations, or love without conditions. This term is sometimes associated with other terms such as true altruism or complete love. Each area of expertise has a certain way of describing unconditional love, but most will agree that it is that type of love which has no bounds and is unchanging. It is a concept comparable to true love, a term which is generally used to describe love between lovers.
According to the book Real Love, unconditional love is, in essence, true love.
Now look back on the love someone gave to you, and the love you gave to them. Ask yourself, has this love truly been unconditional? Or, are you placing conditions? I am a firm believer that love is limitless. The human element places restrictions, and conditions on it. Holding-back, fear, hesitation, resistance, denial of love, withholding love, are all examples of conditional love.
In conditional love: love is ‘earned’ on the basis of conscious or unconscious conditions being met by the lover. Whereas in unconditional love, love is “given freely” to the loved one “no matter what.” Loving is primary. Conditional love requires a finite exchange, whereas unconditional love is seen as infinite and measureless.
Examples of conditional love would be, shifting based on environmental factors like finances, career-level, physical ailment, etc. Another example would be an inability to love someone because they aren’t, “at their best.” Or, treating you the way you feel you should be treated. True-love or unconditional love is constantly emitting its power over a relationship. When a person is going through an emotional change, or transformation (typically temporary), they may not treat you the same. It could be job loss, the death of a loved one, a bad decision that was made, or something more. Does your love for that person also transform, or change? If it does, your love is conditional.
Other Thoughts on Unconditional Love
It is not unconditional love when other people like us for doing what they want or because we give them what they demand of us. Under those conditions we’re just “paying” for love in a way (or literally in some cases) with what we do to get that attention. We can be certain that we’re receiving unconditional love only when we make foolish mistakes, when we fail to do what other people want, and even when we get in their way, but they don’t feel disappointed or irritated with us. When we make a seemingly poor choice about our lives, take a wrong turn, undo or sabotage our own happiness… its unconditional love that keeps them right there, not judging or punishing but loving without conditions.
I disagree with the idea that a person won’t be “disappointed or annoyed with us” when it comes to unconditional love. The human element is always present, so that means emotions will occur. Disappointment and irritation are emotions that will temporarily inhibit our vision. However, they won’t block the big picture.
Love Must Pass The Test
Like Lisa stated,
When we make a wrong turn, undo, or sabotage our own happiness… its unconditional love that keeps them right there, not judging or punishing but loving without conditions.
I told someone really close to me that I wouldn’t marry any woman unless we had been through some adversity. Relationships are full of challenges, changes, and obstacles that you may not see coming. Will your version of love persevere? A “battle-tested” love that still exists, and persists to maintain itself, is a love I need. It is a love I need.
Conditional love will fade like the ending credits in a movie. The moment the proverbial shit hits the fan, there they go… off to the races.
I’d even surmise that one of the major causalities to divorce is conditional love.
What Do You Think?
When you look back at all your past (or current) relationship(s), do you believe your love was/is unconditional? Or, did/do you have certain conditions placed on your love?
Please comment below