I always hear people talk about knowing their “love language.” However, do you know your, “relationship style?” Love language is more of an [introspective] search into understanding ones own view of love—and its application to their life. Basically, how do you receive love (in its many forms) when it is given to you?
Relationship styles are more about [two] people and their ability to create synergy, for a long-lasting, and successful relationship. I believe love language and, relationship style go together. You must know your love language first, and foremost, then, your relationship style.
A lot of us want a relationship, but don’t know where to start. So, we venture out into the dating world choosing partners (winging it). Consequently, hoping for the best, and yielding the same results, over, and over again.
Let me help you break that pattern.
First, you need to know what type of relationship you truly [need] to find your fit.
In healthy symmetrical relationships, “two birds of a feather flock together.” The two parties mirror each other. Like educational, and career levels balance this couple, with similar financial status, religious values, political ideology, character traits. These two may prefer a modern dating style vs. a traditional style. You can even have a relationship where he prefers to pursue (and she prefers to be pursued) vs. mutual pursuit.
I like baseball, you like baseball. We both love horror movies and anime. (I actually like those by the way). She prefers lifelong companionship, and you don’t want to get married. We are both doctors, and are in the same tax bracket. These are examples of the truly symmetrical relationships. Some people prefer this style because they feel it’s less complex. They don’t believe in the, “opposites attract” ideal.
However, I also believe that a lot of single daters really want a symmetrical relationship, and don’t even realize it. Yet, they continue to date in the “complementary” style. As a result, yielding the same result.
I’ve outlined a few more reasons why people struggle finding their mate here.
In healthy complementary relationships, “opposites attract.” The pattern of each person’s behavior fits, or is complementary to the other. He’s the driver, she’s the navigator. The Chinese call this concept, Yin & Yang.
Personaltao says yin and yang are…
…two halves that together complete wholeness.
In symmetrical relationships you can be financially savvy, while your complementary (yin) partner is strong in creative areas. This partnership works like a business. You have different employees who all hold different titles, and positions. Each has their own strength that adds to the goal, and mission statement of the company.
Remember that cartoon Voltron? Play close attention to the sequence—it has a true purpose. Each lion has its own skill set. However, when it came time to slay the Rowbeast, they all formed up into one complete wholeness (yin & yang), and worked together. They all complimented each other, each was deft in their own way. How did they make it work? They all respected the abilities of the other. They valued each other, and no one was above the team.
Parallel (A.K.A Healthy Mix)
A proverbial synthesis of complementary, and symmetrical relationship styles. I’d surmise most people will prefer this style over all.
“I want a little of both…complementary, and symmetrical.” This is my preferred relationship style. I want someone who balances me… yet equals me in different aspects of our relationship. She’s equally as intelligent, but as a complement, she has a different “type” of intelligence. She may be into politics, I’m into cultural issues. I’m a vlogger, she’s an expert videographer.
At the same time, we can both share the same interests. While we complement each other in politics, and cultural issues… we are symmetrical in our love for movies, and Italian dining. Or, we both have kids in the same age bracket.
So How Do You Determine Your Relationship Style?
Think about past relationships, and dating experiences you’ve had. Then, find where you were most happy, excited and fulfilled. Was it when you were doing something that was new? Or was it when you were doing something together that you both enjoy and share as a common interest? It could have even been a mixture of the two.
In conclusion, no matter what style you prefer, make sure the person you are with, understands your needs, wants, and interests, fairly quickly. Be reciprocal. Make sure you understand their needs, wants, and interests as well.
Gone are the days of fruitless, and aimless dating. It’s time to build purposeful and intentional dating experiences that reach their intended goal.
The first way is to understand your love language, and the next is to understand your relationship style so you can either begin the relationship you want, or sustain, the relationship you have.
What is your relationship style? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Don’t forget to comment below!