Having an orgasm is like a 2 month trek to the summit of Mt. Everest. It has its rocky and steep paths, mixed with ice and slippery slops that catch you off guard. Then there’s the acclimation. Oh yes, adjusting to the environment at high altitudes. When having sex, it can become very intense and very similar to a cardiovascular workout where you have a shortness of breath. Pushing your body to extreme levels to get too what most consider the “summit-of-sex…”
How Does It Feel?
We wouldn’t know the answer to that, now would we? That being said, there’s nothing like that, “I just went to the refrigerator to get some orange juice and there’s only a sip left,” feeling. There’s only a sip left because your girlfriend drank it all up and put the carton back into the refrigerator empty, and as dry as the most barren of wastelands. That’s how men who put their all into a sexual encounter feel like, right after the woman has reached her orgasm and he hasn’t reached his. You sit on the edge of the bed, completely turned on, looking at your hand, looking at her again, then looking at your hand, then looking into the bathroom remembering where you left the Vaseline.
Then, you begin to resent her, because you put so much effort into making sure she is pleased. But, there she is, passed out in the bed, sleeping like a newborn baby. And you fight everything in you, to not snatch the covers off of her, and wake her up so you can finish, or she can finish you.
Men Always Achieve Orgasm
That is the misconception a lot of women have. What’s the saying?
That the woman’s face doesn’t matter. All she has to have is a vagina.
This is so far from the truth
There are men out there that are not reaching orgasm. And to keep their woman’s ego intact, they fake it. Yes, men fake it too! Now I’m not saying it happens as often as women. However, there are men who can’t reach their climax on a regular basis for various reasons (I will list below). So they act as if they are having an orgasm just to get it over-with. This may come as quite the shocker to a lot of women, but it does happen. It happens a lot more often than you think. When a man can’t climax, And we dread hearing that notorious question…
Did you c__?
And the look on your face, knowing you’re about to lie…
What Causes Men To Not Achieve Orgasm?
- He’s not that into you
- You’ve had sex for a long duration, that now, his penis is desensitized.
- He’s exhausted and really doesn’t care about an orgasm anymore. He just wants to go to sleep
- You are not pleasing him the way he prefers
- He is distracted by something outside the bedroom.
- He is [into] someone else
- It’s something physical that he needs to seek a doctor for.
Whatever his reasoning, this has occurred in your bedroom whether you want to believe it or not. Some women take is personally, and will go the extra mile to make sure their partner reaches the summit. To some women, it really doesn’t matter. Once they reach their orgasm, they become like some men, and just roll over and go to sleep without a care in the world. If you fall under any of these reasons, you need to have a conversation with him right away.
How Do I Approach Him About This?
Well, if your problem is #7 – “It’s something physical.” Then you need to talk to him about it. It will be very hard, and will tug at his ego like two elephants in a game of tug-of-war and he’s the red flag in the middle. Not matter, you still need to push him to see a doctor. Lack of pleasurable sex in the bedroom leads a myriad of other issues such as resentment and infidelity.
Number 2 and 3 or more about understanding. Just like a woman can get sore… a man can become desensitized after a long marathon of sex. If your man is the pleasing type, he will work hard to make sure you are well taken care-of before he reaches his climax. However, by then, after all that holding back to prevent ejaculation, he’s desensitized and is pretty much over it at this point. Now he just wants to go to sleep. Shortening the sexcapades to 30 minutes vs. an hour may help. Or, as a compromise, you could help him have his orgasm first. Because, when it comes to round two for men, we feel like the, “Sex-God of Unlimited stamina,” that could please you all night.
What About #4?
Number 4 is all about communication. We tend to go into a new relationship with remnants of relationships past. Experiences of how we have always done things. When you’re dealing with a different person, be mindful of the fact that this person is new. They may not like it the way you’ve done it in the past. Some men like it slow, some like it fast. So talk to them, either before or during sex. Pay attention to their body. Ask questions, or tell them to talk to you and give you direction. How else will you know how to please him?
Saying, “I know how to please my man,” before you’ve talked to him about what he likes, is arrogant and selfish.
#5 He Is Distracted
We all know that the rigors of life can wear on a man like a ton of cinder blocks. As a result, it can impact us in the bedroom. Dr. Logan Levkoff states in her blog about stress and the way it can affect our sex life…
By now, we know that hormones affect our bodies in many ways from childhood to adolescence, pregnancy, menopause and beyond. Cortisol is one of the hormones produced by stress, and you might have heard of it if you’ve ever seen those late night diet pill commercials with the image of the pixelated woman gaining weight in her abdomen. Our bodies need this hormone, but in small doses for short bursts of time. If elevated levels of Cortisol are being produced for a prolonged period of time, they suppress our sex hormones. Lower quantity of sex hormones equals lower libido.
If you’re used to your man being a God in the sheets and all-of-a-sudden he seems unmotivated. It could be life is impacting him. As a result, it will impact his ability to feel pleasure. So, no matter what you do in the bedroom, he can’t reach orgasm. In order to get it over with, he will fake it. The best way to handle this is to communicate. Talk to him about what he’s dealing with. Maybe you can take some of the load off of his plate. Or, find out what he needs from you, or how you can help.
When I say that, “Men Fake It Too,” it doesn’t mean that men want to fake it or that they’re intentionally being dishonest. It means there is some reason behind it and they want to spare your feelings. Right or wrong, it’s up to you to discern what the reasons are.